Death, Angel Light Shows, and Living for Today

Death has had a major impact on my life and who I have become. When I was fifteen, my dad died from complications of Adrenal Cancer that was found much too late. Besides the regular high school curriculum and social lessons that are normal for every teenager, I was also learning about the grief of terminal illness; the sadness and relief of pain and suffering being released by death; and the necessity of life going on when someone you love deeply passes. My mother, a young widow, but a very wise mom of eight children ages 2-15, allowed each of us to grieve as we would, and live as “normal” a childhood as possible without any one of us being forced to “take on more responsibilities”. I took full advantage of her generosity in that regard.

I never felt particularly drawn to work with the sick, the dying, or the grieving. I grew up playing “house” and “school”, and in fact, became a wife, mother, and volunteer extraordinaire before settling into the “teacher” role in various ways. What I did notice, was that when people around me lost parents, spouses, and children, either I would reach out to them, or they would reach out to me and a bond would form. It seemed that my experience with “normalcy” around death was calming and reassuring.

In the 38 years since my dad passed, I’ve been fortunate to feel his presence often. At first, it was rare, but he was “there” when I needed him most. I woke up the moment he passed in the early morning. My brother walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, but I felt my dad next to me so strongly that I arrived at the alter with heaving sobs and a big smile on my face. When I was first married and riding my bike around Santa Barbara when the oranges were heavy on the trees, I felt like my dad was riding with me and I didn’t want that moment to end. Unfortunately, I had to get back home and get dressed for work. He’s visited me in dreams, and helped me with dicey car problems (he was a gifted mechanic and tire salesman). Now, almost everyday I see 8:11 (he passed on 8/11) and 10:16 (his birthday)on the clock and know he’s next to me, cheering me on.

In the conversation with the second psychic medium I talked to last summer, I was compelled to ask her if I should get involved with hospice. The question seemed to come out of left field, meaning it was NOT something I had considered asking her before we talked. That said, it was very much me listening to my own intuition. She validated that I would do very well in hospice. That night I started the work figuring out how to get involved. Due to Divine Timing, it took a few months, but I was able to get a position as a volunteer at the most wonderful hospice home in the Twin Cities.

When I decided to become a hospice volunteer, I had no idea which role(s) would be best for me. I could restock rooms with linens and deliver meals without reservation. I was happy to answer phones or greet people at the door and take their temperature. I wasn’t sure about cooking meals - not that I can’t, but mostly that deciding what to make can be overwhelming for me. Luckily, “C” was the LPN who had also owned a restaurant, and she did an amazing job making meals when I volunteered. I wasn’t sure about patient care, but how would I know unless I tried? I loved it. There’s something so amazing about tending to personal needs of a person who is on their death bed. Often they are in much pain, or sleeping most of the day, but 99 times out of 100 they are so gracious about being helped.

About six weeks after my first day, I was helping bathe a woman who was clearly in her last moments of life on earth. Her breathing was labored and her body temperature was quite warm. It’s important to make sure bed-bound people are washed and moisturized often to help protect their delicate skin from getting bed sores or infections. Even if they’re not very verbal anymore, we would talk to them soothingly, and encourage them to “go to the light” if they saw it, as to not prolong their suffering. As we were bathing this woman, the nurse noticed her breathing had stopped. We covered her for dignity’s sake, and the nurse went to fetch the woman’s children while I stayed with her and held her hand. She took a few more breaths and when her daughter came into the room, I called to her to take her mother’s hand and I stood back and watched and prayed. It was the most beautiful and peaceful experience. Obviously, her children were upset and I shed some tears too, but the feeling in the room was one of peace. That night would be my most memorable night yet.

As I drifted off to sleep that night, I was treated to a kaleidoscope of angel lights behind my closed eyelids. I would later discover that was my third eye. I had seen these “angel colors” before, particularly when getting a massage or doing yoga. Mostly, I had seen the bright, cobalt blue of Archangel Michael, but this night I saw blue, purple, white, green, pinks, yellows, and pixelated rainbows dancing in front of me. It was fascinating and I watched until I couldn’t keep my third eye open anymore and I succumbed to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night my husband got out of bed to use the restroom. Normally this doesn’t phase me, but that night I awoke enough that I could see the angel colors dancing before my eyes again, and again I watched as long as I could. Only this time, as I was lying there alone in my bed, I also felt the sensation of being hugged! It was so full of love! And then, I felt pain on each of my breasts and I knew it was the woman whose hand I had held as she was passing. You see- she had mastectomy scars where her breasts had been, and I knew that the angels had helped her reach me. I heard her, “thank you”. And as my husband got back in bed next to me and gently started to snore, I watched the angel lights dance before me for what felt like hours before I slept again with my heart and mind expanded because I’d just experienced a miracle!

It would be a few more months before I was introduced to Reiki. I’ve found regular meditation and Reiki bring me regular experiences with “angel colors” or “angel lights” and I’ve gotten to recognize many of them and their energies over the months since then. I know people have different gifts and my experiences with angels, their colors, and how they present to me are different than others. I try not to be envious of those who see angels like winged humans because, obviously, I was able to identify the energy around me without wings, or even bodies (although I did see my guardian angel once, but that’s a different story for a different time). In the metaphysical world, we see, hear, feel, and know things in ways that make sense for us to interpret. I’m learning this now. I thought everyone who was a Medium would receive information based on what I learned from shows and movies like Medium, The Ghost Whisperer, and The Sixth Sense. Those methods are true for some, but not for all, and wishing your gifts were like someone else’s is along the same lines as wishing you had a different eye color. Wishes don’t make it so.

What I have learned from this is that it’s important to listen to those ideas put forth by your soul. You may have no idea if it’s something you’ll like unless you try. If you allow your ego (logic) to talk you out of trying something new, or something that once you had zero interest in, you may miss out on a BIG miracle. I’m telling you, hugs from the other side are every bit as satisfying (and maybe more so because they’re unexpected) as those here on Earth. So what are you waiting for? What is your “what if I try…” and what’s keeping you from taking the steps to try it? The worst that can happen is that you find out you didn’t like it after all. The best that can happen is yet to be seen (or felt)!