Pondering

Do I need to be right, or do I need to be heard? The further into my 50s I get, the more I just want to be heard. I’ve learned enough times that there were times when I truly thought I was right, and I was so wrong. Drat. I don’t like being wrong. I do like to be listened to. I think we all want to be seen and heard.

I read that there was a study where people who posted political things on social media never actually changed anyone’s mind with their post. However, they did change their own minds: they became more rigid in their beliefs as people agreed with them or gave them likes.

One of the most valuable things I have learned this year in a course I’ve been taking has been to ponder things. The dictionary defines ponder as follows:

verb: to think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion

When we get stuck in one way of thinking, no matter how noble it seems, it creates division within us and within our society. I’m going to focus on the “within” part, as we all know what the “society” part of division feels like. 

Division/chaos/upset within our own self is why we need to do shadow work. 

When I began my spiritual journey a handful of years ago, I knew that shadow work was important so I began journaling about every embarrassing or dark thought or experience I could remember. It took me several months, but I thought I had gotten to the end.

Silly me.

Shadow work is like the internet. I don’t know that it’s possible to reach “the end” in a lifetime because new shadows or new nuances of shadows have a way of surfacing daily. I was this-month years old (55) when I learned that shadow work isn’t just about remembering and releasing “that time in 2nd grade when I didn’t want to play with Michael Murphy because he threw up on the lunchroom table, and I felt guilty for rejecting him over something he clearly had no control over”. Well, definitely, that was a shadow, but the ones truly haunting me are more subtle. It’s about recognizing things that I don’t like about other people as very real parts of myself. 

Shadow work is about answering the question “why” over and over until you get to the root of why someone else’s behavior “triggers” you. It’s about seeing that behavior as part of you that you are ashamed of, or trying to keep hidden, and learning to love it. 

It’s not particularly easy or fun, but it is particularly rewarding. And, by pondering why and why and why and why something bugs us, we can get to the root of the hurt or anger or fear. We can see how our need to be right is denying a part of our existence. We are trying to hide that part in the shadows instead of welcoming it into our adult arms with unconditional love. Not a single person on earth is perfect: always loving, forgiving, organized, prompt, considerate, (name that “positive” attribute). For all the moments that we are graceful, we all have that inner-klutz. For all the days we are organized and neat, we all have the inner-slob. For all the times I am a model of honesty and integrity, there is the part of me that is dishonest or untrustworthy. I could go on, but you get the idea. 

Yin/Yang is about balance and harmony. It’s a part of us, and if we think we can hide the parts that seem embarrassing or shameful and only shine through what we see as “good”, we are creating division within ourselves. We all have both light and shadow. It’s time to ponder what’s in the shadow by shining some light on it. When we accept both in ourselves, we learn to love that both exist within us. When we learn to love ourselves, THAT IS WHEN WE LEARN TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS.

I hope I haven’t simplified this too much. I also hope my explanation isn’t too complicated. Balance is what I seek: in my writing, in my relationships, and ultimately, in myself. 

I grew up Catholic/Christian and am quite familiar with “love your neighbor as yourself”. It wasn’t until I started communicating with angels that some of these teachings started to make sense. And, it wasn’t until I started to really ponder the same message as part of many different world religions that I recognized that none of them are all right, or all wrong. There are Universal Truths woven throughout all of them. “Removing the stick from my own eye” is more important than “worrying about the speck in my neighbor’s eye”. In other words, self-healing and shadow work is the root of healing the world: one uncomfortable ponder at a time, because maybe, just maybe, if I put myself in their vantage point, I will see why they think they are right and I am wrong? And imagine the peace I could experience in knowing there are “two rights”!

Peace, love, light and shadows be with you,

Margaret Rose