Obit Obsession
I’ve discovered a woman on Tik Tok whose handle is “Tips From Dead People”. She reads excerpts from exceptional obituaries and gives tips from the deceased based on their amazing life stories, as told (usually) by their loved ones. I realize that I have a somewhat unusual perspective on death and dying, and while I’m not in any great hurry to say goodbye (or “see ya later”) to any more loved ones anytime soon, I also see it as a very free-ing state of being for the one who passes on, and not something to fear. I suppose this is, in large part, because I can still communicate with those who have passed.
All this to say - this new obsession with obituaries doesn’t have so much to do with death as with LIVING! Every single obituary read on “Tips From Dead People” describes a person worth knowing: flawed, but interesting, quirky and fun - even when the fun might be “not so fun to live with”. These obituaries are not so much a list of where the deceased were born, where they worked, and when or how they died (although those tidbits may enter into the description), but instead get to the essence of a person. For example, an obituary about me might include my knowledge of angels, my insistence that white chocolate isn’t really chocolate, and my ability to sing most of the lyrics through a Bruce Springsteen concert (with the exception of the one where I had strep throat and had to lip sync instead). It might mention the people who went great lengths to avoid me in public, so as not to get stuck in a conversation several minutes beyond their available time? Maybe it would say I live my life like a musical, and often start singing songs with lyrics appropriate for the occasion? Likely the writer(s) wouldn’t know of all the times the music wasn’t sung aloud, but played in my head as people spoke?
As it turns out, my being a babysitter, having a paper route, teaching water aerobics, working retail, being a housekeeper/cook for priests, selling Mary Kay, and being a substitute teacher don’t make me “relatable”. Those are just jobs that this weirdo who organizes sections in Marshalls and TJ Maxx for fun, had between life and death.
The point of all this is to remember that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. ON. EARTH. HAS. FUN, QUIRKY, WEIRD, ANNOYING, AGGRAVATING, AND EXTREMELY RELATABLE PARTS ABOUT THEM. Every person. Every single one of us! So, when we recognize this, it helps bridge the divide. What we do for work and who we vote for are (oh my gosh- I’m not saying don’t have a job to support yourself or don’t vote!!! These are musts!) the most banal things about us. Would you rather greet your neighbor, “Jane the Accountant” - or “Jane, who never grew a fingernail she didn’t chew down to the quick or received a party invitation she didn’t turn down”? Is it easier to relate to “Chaz the Lawyer”, or “Chaz, who once spewed root beer out of his nose in the cafeteria in front of his crush…whom he later married”?
This story-telling and relatability…that’s what life is all about. How did we connect with others? What were the endearing or memorable parts about us? Can I forgive myself for all the chocolate chip cookie recipes I tried before I found the one I became well-known for? How about the natural deodorants I tried that didn’t work? I really failed forward with some of those. Am I still able to love myself? How about the stranger on the street…or a co-worker…or a peer at school? Can I still see their goodness as they fail forward in life?
Our Guardian Angels are here to help us find and proceed down our intended life-path. Learning the appropriate life-lessons to help us to love better is our purpose. When we embrace our flaws and love ourselves despite our imperfections, it’s easier to forgive others for their flaws and imperfections. It’s part of the ONENESS on earth. Borders and differences are all contrived. When we recognize that everyone and everything on this planet is made up of the same stardust the divisions among us seem so phony. That’s what these obituaries help me to realize - each person, each life, is amazing and worth-knowing. Stopping to smell the roses, hug a tree, or do a cartwheel shouldn’t be embarrassing, it’s exactly the type of activity unique to our time on earth that we should be doing while we can.
